I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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