I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
