Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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