The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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