Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to make a zoo with you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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