I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
