i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
