are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
