Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
