btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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