I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
