i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
