Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
