Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
