I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
