She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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