My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
