I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
