So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
