just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
