I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
