I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
