Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
