Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
