on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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