Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
