i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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