Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
