it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
