When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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