R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
