He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
