She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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