I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
