Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
