I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont even know how to be here
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
