She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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