I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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