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He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
