i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im six kinds of drunk right now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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