Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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