Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am one with the molecules
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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