your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
