Kiss
Puke
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
