My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
