I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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