She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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