I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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