I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
