I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
