Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
