Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
