You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize