Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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