it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
