I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
