you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
