everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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