Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
