I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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