is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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