She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
