perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
