He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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