i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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