I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize