hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
