planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
