how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
