You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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