He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
