Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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