And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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