Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize