Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
