I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
