I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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