I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
