My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
