im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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