Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
