i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
