I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
