I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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