You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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