i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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