It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
