I think I won the penis lottery.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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