He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
