I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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