I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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