I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
