I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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