her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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