I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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